That I’m on a computer programming all day for my job.

That I’m on a computer programming all night for fun.

That I rarely play video games anymore.

Probably that I’m alive?

I already dealt with (undiagnosed) chronic depression by 10. The first time I thought about killing myself I don’t think I even knew the word “suicide.” I also had an overwhelming sense that I wouldn’t live past 30. That might not have started until I was 11 or 12, but I think it was there when I was younger.

Weirdly my mom also had an overwhelming sense that she would lose me at a young age from the day I was born, which she didn’t have with my older sister.

Well, I’m past 30 now. My love of people in my life has kept the suicidal ideation to only that. While I still have chronic depression, I’ve learned to manage it better over the years and medication helps.

I genuinely don’t know why I was depressed or had suicidal thoughts that young. I didn’t have a traumatic home or childhood. My parents worked a lot but loved me and my sister without question. We didn’t have a lot of money but always had enough food. I loved school and had great teachers. I wasn’t sexually assaulted before I was 10 (I think I was 12 the first time). I don’t know and that bothers me.

ETA: I guess I was bullied at school by 10, so maybe that accounts for it?

That I am a girl now. Seems to be a common pattern şn the comment section 💀

How much I’ve improved with my art.

That I hate television and actually enjoy working. Jobs suck, “work” sucks, but getting things done around the house or finishing a project or even just getting into a flow on a task is rewarding. 10 year old me would ask, “What happened to us?!” But I guess I enjoyed it then, too. I just defined it differently. Building with Lego for hours in my room, being creative. I didn’t define that as work until my adult hobbies expanded into making things with my hands and I had real world job experience.

that i’m not a teacher and that i don’t read as much book as i used to and should

this is a great question. for me, it would be going to bed a responsible time.

I actually had that thought yesterday. my younger self would be so sad about me cutting out precious video game time, but I literally can’t focus on my job if I get tired halfway through the day.

but my younger self would not understand how lucky my life currently is, and that “sacrifices” need to be made to do the best that I can in life since many people do not have the opportunities I have. I got very lucky.

That at 47 the hardest thing in life was keeping relationships. Everything else is a cakewalk.

Probably that I haven’t killed myself yet. That’s not a joke.

That I work with metal forming headed towards engineering instead of woodworking with a goal of fine joinery.

I’m impressed with the amount of people who can actually remember what they were like as a 10 year old. I’ve got some pictures n’ shit of myself from back then, but honestly that might as well be a completely different person, and I can’t tell you jack about what’s going through their head.

Growing up poor in the suburbs, now living on an old farm in the middle of nowhere, Denmark, growing my own weed, a beautiful wife, have chickens, 2 cats and a dog, my younger self would be flabbergasted. Mostly because I was “destined” to have my life fucked, but I overcame obstacles that surprised my childhood friends. Had one say at my wedding “You were the last person I thought would make it”.

Gotta be proud of what I’ve accomplished.

That I’m a girl now. Would have blown their mind that it was even possible. But then would have been disappointed in me for not having made a video game yet.

That I didn’t grow up to be Indiana Jones

I finally bought that Gameboy advance