My daughter is 5 now. She’s discovered the joy of telling jokes. Unfortunately, her repertoire is painfully small. I’ve also realised most of my jokes are either not age appropriate or too situational.
What are best/worst kids jokes? Extra points for any that would make her teacher groan. Apparently she LOVES jokes. 😁
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What has five toes and is not your foot?
My foot!
That one should definitely get a groan out of her teacher!
From: plutopiaworld
Why are chickens so cool?
B’caws
Knock knock
Owls
Owls whoo
Yes they do
Q: What’s brown and sticky? A: A stick
Did you know that the US government keeps and provides access to a database of dad jokes on fatherhood.gov, one joke at a time?
You could also snag this full dad jokes database from kaggle which contains over 13k dad jokes.
Hope you both enjoy!
Ty
Leave it up to lemmy to provide the link for government approved dad jokes…
Liberals… always going back to the governments teet.
I agree. This is definitely an ideal context to talk about politics.
I like make my own jokes homegrown on the range using, cough, tax-subsidised water…
What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
Why did the blind man fall in the well? He couldn’t see that well.
A man goes to the doctor and says “I think I have hearing problems.” “Can you describe the symptoms?” “Sure! Homer’s fat and Marge has blue hair.”
Did you hear about the huge sale at the Lego store? People were lined up for blocks.
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s special?” I said, “Yes please.” “No problem sir. Today is special.”
I’d tell you a time travel joke, but you didn’t get it.
I used to work at a toy factory making plastic Draculas. There were only two of us, so I had to make every second Count.
First 3 should get a good reaction. The rest require context I’m more sure she’s picked up on properly yet.
I don’t get the Simpsons one
What’s brown and sticky?
My favourite joke, being the only one I can remember. Still gets a laugh!
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who?
You’re making a good owl!
My parents told me this was my favorite joke when I was around your daughter’s age. Apparently I used the joke non-stop and my parents still laughed every time because of how much I cracked up at my own joke.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Aww don’t cry, it’s just a joke!
Knock knock.
Who’s There?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could Yodel!
What is blue but doesn’t weigh very much? Light blue
So good
There’s a dad jokes lemmy!
do you have any holes in your socks?
no?
how’d you get your feet in there?
*adult looks accusingly at the kid*
*kid stares at his feet in cosmic bewilderment*
whats long, brown, and sticky? a stick.
what’s long, blue, and sticky? a blue stick.
ive found kids live this due to the misdirection and then doubling down on it.
What’s pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh
What do you call a fly with no legs? A walk
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea
shouldn’t that be a fly with no wings ?
Love the deer ones lol
Yes!! I said it wrong _’
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Lettuce
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and you’ll find out!
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
Because it didn’t have any body to go with
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it
Wow, I’ve heard both of these with different punchlines:
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Lettuce out, it’s cold in here!
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Because it didn’t have the guts.
-
A big hole was dug at the police station. They’re currently looking into it.
Why do firefighters wear red suspenders? Keeps their pants up.
My favorite clean joke, what do call a ship on the ocean floor that twitches? A nervous wreck.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Bah-dum-tsss.
