• TheaoneAndOnly27@kbin.social
      27·
      1 year ago

      In December 2022 I realized I skipped seeing my cardiologist for 6 years. Did a 24 hour monitor. Apparently my heart rate was dropping to 21 bpm and stopping pumping for up to three seconds. So in February 2023 they cut me open and give me a pacemaker. Months go on and I am still getting winded. So they did another heart Cath procedure (on the 28th) and it turns out my heart is doing worse than thought even, so in the next 3-5 years I’ll need a heart transplant. But the make up of my organ layout means I’ll need a specialist, which just all sounds so slim. I am 33 and so fucking tired.

      I hope to leave some of this stress behind. I know there’s a lot I can’t escape now, but I hope I can leave some of the anger and fear behind. It’s been hard to be a good dad or partner this year just from feeling so stressed, and if I don’t know how long we will have I just want my daughter to remember a happier dad.

      • fine_sandy_bottom@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        13·
        1 year ago

        God I feel you so hard my guy.

        I’m only a few years older than you and have ischaemic cv disease (blocked arteries). It’s a common problem in people twice my age. I thought I ate well and exercised regularly but it turns out that stuff doesn’t help that much if you lost the genetic lottery like me.

        I had a heart attack this year, while my partner was pregnant with our first children. Yes 2x kids. They were born a few months ago.

        IDK if I have 2 years or 20 years to do my best for them… but fuck it’s a bitter pill.

        I absolutely get the dread / fear / anger.

        Every time I have a new blood test that shows I’m more fucked than I hoped it just… hurts.

    • deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz
      15·
      1 year ago

      It took me a very long time to realise that there’s no point worrying about things I can’t control, I needed to find ways to mitigate the risks or consequences.

      E.g. I used to get very very anxious about traveling, e.g. for a four hour car trip. What is there’s heavy traffic, what if we run late, what if there are detours, what if we need to stop, what if the car breaks down…

      Then I started working out what I could actually do about these things? What is in my control? What can I do to make heavy traffic more bearable (music and water)? So what if I’m late? I have a phone I can call. I can keep my car well maintained, I can drive calmly, and so on.

      It’s not perfect, it’s anecdotal, but it was a mindset change that helped me. I mean, medication helped too… it gave me the space to be rational.

      Best of luck! Happy new year.

      Apologies if that all came off as preachy crap.

      • Critical_Insight@feddit.uk
        8·
        1 year ago

        Thanks!

        In my case its that I just get stuck into repetative negative thought loops. My default assumption always seems to be that the worst case scenario is going to happen even though it never happens. I’m just really good at convincing myself that nothing is worth trying as I’m probably going to fail anyways.

        • deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz
          4·
          1 year ago

          Catastrophising can actually help!

          What’s the worst that can happen? What can I do to mitigate it?

          If there’s nothing one can do then it’s genuinely anxiety inducing… so your anxiety is appropriate.

          If there is something that can mitigate it, do it, and know that you’ve done it!

        • Apathy Tree@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
          2·
          1 year ago

          When you catch yourself going into a negative loop, stop yourself and think of or write down the absolute worst possible scenario (and really, how bad is this, likely minor, negative thing in the grand scheme of things?), the most likely scenario which happens most of the time, and the best possible scenario (how good could it be, similar to the bad outcomes?). What separates those possible outcomes? Chance? Effort on your part? Other people?

          If it’s effort on your part, it gives you actionable steps you can take and that’s great for anxiety, everything else being out of your control should actually help as well, though, especially when you intentionally step back and look for the most likely event.

          I always have this sense when I’m driving home from an overnight elsewhere that my house will have burned down or my animals will be dead or something. I know it’s absurd, but more than that, even if that was the case, there’s nothing I could actually do about it, and I know one of my neighbors would call the fire department and text me if my house caught fire. So when I have that intrusive thought I stop myself and take a step back - logically it’s very unlikely it will burn down when I’m not home because I spend 99% of my time at home - if it is going to burn, it is likely going to burn when I’m here, and I literally never worry about that. So why do I worry about the rare occurrence?

          It doesn’t help immediately, because you didn’t logic yourself into that worry, but eventually you can train yourself to be a bit more realistic which, while it may not fix the intrusive thoughts, does help a ton with breaking the rumination cycle.

      • umulu@lemmy.world
        3·
        1 year ago

        Good for you for taking the medicine. I did the same… Small dosage over 6 months period. Really helped me in the same way as you.

  • _number8_@lemmy.world
    281·
    1 year ago

    being overly paranoid about finances

    i used ynab for a while but am now realizing it’s probably worse for my mental health to keep track of things that granularly. need to go back to a more zoomed out, normal person sort of management scheme

    • _number8_@lemmy.world
      122·
      1 year ago

      the way i see it, the world may well end within our lifetime. when the credit card server farms collapse into the encroaching ocean it won’t matter anymore

  • Sagrotan@lemmy.world
    253·
    1 year ago

    Everybody dying in my family. I’m sick of going to funerals and pretending to be sad or something. I’m not. Death is part of life. Fucking masquerade.

    • Squizzy@lemmy.world
      132·
      1 year ago

      Ah fuck off, it’s sad if someone you love can no longer be a part of your life.

    • deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz
      123·
      1 year ago

      Fuck western funerals. Dying of old age in the west isn’t sad, it’s the ultimate conclusion to that person’s story and should be celebrated. Edit: I mean celebrate their life not their death.

      But, the funeral industry gotta sell you a shitty coffin, sell you a shitty service. Shitty people gotta show off how sad they are. Edit: being an edgy arsehole isn’t cool. Grieve how you want, not how someone else thinks you should, including me.

      • Victor@lemmy.world
        12·
        1 year ago

        I was sad when my dear grandpa died. He was like a (second) father to me. He taught me many things and was the sweetest man in the world, with more love in his heart than he knew what to do with. He was a great father, a great husband, and he grew up from nothing, fatherless himself, yet turned himself into an exemplary human being and man. A role model if you will.

        Definitely wept at his funeral, because I missed him dearly already. Your situation not being similar doesn’t mean I have to pretend not to be sad. That’s bullshit.

          • Victor@lemmy.world
            2·
            1 year ago

            We really were. I try to be like him towards my kids, but I’m nowhere near as kind and loving, and I’m pretty kind and loving.

            Take care! ❤️🫂

            • JoeKrogan@lemmy.world
              2·
              1 year ago

              I’m sure you are doing a great job. Ive no kids but likewise I have a shining example to guide me. Thanks , you too. Wishing you and your family health and happiness in the new year and the years to come ❤️

      • Squizzy@lemmy.world
        82·
        1 year ago

        Ah Jesus how high mighty do you have to be to be above grieving losing a loved one. Funerals are a celebration of someone’s life, it’s like one of the opening lines of every funeral I’ve been to.

        It doesn’t matter the age, if the person was important to you their absence can impact you emotionally.

        Get yourself checked.

        • deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz
          14·
          1 year ago

          Check your reading comprehension and try again.

          That someone completed their full life is a cause for celebrating their life, not grieving their death.

          Lamenting someone’s early death is also appropriate.

          Having had a number of experience of both… I’m fine.

          How high and mighty doyou have to be?

          • Squizzy@lemmy.world
            3·
            1 year ago

            Shitty people gotta show off how sad they are

            That says enough for me, however you defend it being sad at the loss of someone you cared about is justifiable and not shitty regardless of their age…or being in “the west”

    • Erasmus@lemmy.worldEnglish
      4·
      1 year ago

      God yes. I was a bit of an accident in my family and have a slew of aunts, uncles and cousins who are all 60-90 now. It’s been an interesting past couple of years and I am not looking forward to the next few.

  • Clbull@lemmy.world
    15·
    1 year ago

    My tendency to get walked all over. Recent events made me realise that I need to get a lot better at putting my foot down and telling people when there’s a problem.

    To cut a week-long story short, my NYE plans to do pub karaoke (which I planned nearly a month in advance) got hijacked when another friend group decided to make alternate plans to go to the club and make one of my close friends cancel on me. This led to me being pressured by another close friend into cutting my original plans two hours short so that my friend group could all be together at midnight. Of course, the other group making the alt plans all pulled out on the morning of the 31st Dec, leaving me and my three other friends with tickets to go to a nightclub that I didn’t particularly want to go to.

    I don’t like clubbing. Nightclubs are overcrowded, loud to the point where you literally can’t hear anybody and have to yell at the bartender to even order a drink, and they make me feel isolated. I also feel insecure about my physical attractiveness and jealous due to my inability to pull.

    Botched NYE plans aside, 2023 definitely ended on a good note. I went from working in a crappy purchase ledger job, to facing layoffs, to escaping redundancy by finding a much better internal role that has honestly felt like a culture shock to me.

  • corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca
    151·
    1 year ago

    The word “literally”. I get that an entire generation would have no more superlatives, but it’s got to be done.