You know the type, probably a good father or worker, but serious faced all the time, never smiles, often in a bad mood, very cynical. It’s just I feel like I’m on the path to this, I’m 28, just escaped 12 years of food service so I’m already super cynical and if someone comes up to me, I’m super ready to shut down whatever’s about to happen. I feel like working with customers for years I’ve learned to have giant walls up and I can’t seem to remove them. I see the other guys in the factory I’m working at laughing and joking all the time, I think of myself as funny but it’s always deadpan humor and I wish I could genuinely smile and laugh and make friends with the other guys. Any old timers or well travelers out there have any advice?
Well, self awareness goes a long way, so you’re on the right path. Lots of people get crotchety and cynical by focusing too much on things that are outside their control. Focus more on areas of your life that you can influence, and learn to enjoy your life for what it is rather than what it could be.
Honestly, if you’re the type of person who’s prone to this, disengaging from hyper cynical social media platforms (yes, including Lemmy) is probably another good idea.
My dad used to be super into politics and consumed rage-bait news on TV and social media a lot, especially during the height of covid. Once he unplugged from all of that there was a noticeable shift in his demeanor and I would say that he’s significantly happier and more content now.
Look for the little joys. Seriously. You know that light that always seems to be red when you get there? Celebrate the times it’s not rather than getting annoyed when it is. Make up words from the letters on a license and consider what might make a person want that. Come up with bad answers. Absurd ones. Find shapes in clouds.
Not all of that is easy but it can be worth the effort.
Happiness can be chosen, just not all the time. Look for the places you can and try to do it. Like anything it’ll get easier with practice.
*There are hard things that will make choosing happiness nigh impossible. If you find yourself in one of these places you need external help, very probably professional. It’s not weakness to acknowledge that any more than it is to see a doctor if you cut off your arm.
My advice? Sounds like you could use some therapy. Genuinely therapy is really helpful for sorting out these issues.
You sound like you may be dealing with more than just burn out. Of course im not a medical professional and i dont know you well enough to really make any fair assessment but just talking things out with someone would likely be beneficial.
If you can’t afford therapy, talking things out with a friend may help as well but as they wont be trained to deal with this, it may or may not be helpful. It can help but its not a replacement for professional help unfortunately. I speak from experience but ymmv.
I worked in CS so i know it sucks. I hope things get better for you.
I’ve got no qualms against going back to therapy, it’s been some years. Only thing is I’ll have to wait till November when I can get on my works insurance plan
I agree with @Bluefruit that therapy is invaluable if you get a good therapist (you might have to try a few; don’t get discouraged). I think 80% (a number right from my ass) people could benefit from therapy (as opposed to 80% need therapy).
But also, some of it is just personality. I also don’t smile easily with people who aren’t close to me. I have trouble making jokes with people that don’t know me intimately because my (also) deadpan humor is dark and absurdist. Only through knowing me intimately will it sound like a joke. A colleague once observed that he was starting to recognize my brand of humor six months into working together, which I found surprising at the time. Some of it you just accept as who you are.
Having been in CS positions at different times in my life, I realize that it can make a person dead inside. Hopefully, this isn’t your situation. If it is, please work (however you find an ability to) to find a change. For me, it was witnessing a moment of truly astonishing empathy from someone that was a wakeup call. Best of luck!