Background+rant: I’m in my early to mid-20s and still living at home with my dad. I’m not a NEET and am employed at a normal office job. I enjoy the comfort of my home. I like being with family (and I believe they feel blessed to have their kid at home longer). I like not having to pay rent. However, I also keep feeling some nagging pressure to “grow up and leave the nest”.
Everything in my mind tells me that moving out is irrational. I would lose 1/3rd of my income to rent, go through a bunch of logistical hoops to find a new place, lose the last few moments I have with my family, just so I can prove to nobody that I’m independent, maybe discover new things, and also probably get in on some of that loneliness action that the rest of my generation is going through.
Yet, the pressure is still there. No one looks down on me for it, but I feel a bit embarrassed to tell people I’m living at home, like I’m admitting failure or incompetency. My friends will occasionally ask when I’m planning on moving out and the question just lingers longer than it should in my head. I compare myself to my parents and grandparents and can’t help but feel like a child compared to the people they were when they were at my age.
Obviously quite conflicted on this, so I’m interested in seeing what others have to say.
40-year-old, home-owning, father here. I didn’t move out of my parent’s house until I was in my early twenties. Even then, I only did it because I wanted training in a specific field and would have to move to pursue it (the area I moved to was also where my then girlfriend, now wife, lived).
I preface all that to point out that, even in the mid 2000’s, a lot of the societal pressure for kids to move out was starting to fade away. The shitty apartment I rented for $600 in 2008 is now going for $1,200. Decent apartments are going for $2,000 and most houses in the area are over $200,000 for a fixer-upper.
I do not look down on anyone for making the best financial decision they can given our impossible financial situations. The American dream of owning a home and two cars in suburbia is all but dead. The only reason my wife and could afford a house is because my father in law sold his house (that he bought for his mother) at 80% of what he thought the value was (which was way lower than its actual value).
For what it’s worth, I think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. There is no shame in living with your dad, essentially as a roommate, it seems. I do agree with some others in that you should definitely use this time to save as much money as you can to potentially buy a home later.