I have some friends that go to visit their friends in Mexico from the US very frequently. When they come back in town we meet up to eat. But the entire meal they talk about their experiences and friends there. Usually I only get a couple of words in and then it is back to their plans. I am trying to live in the present and enjoy my life experiences and my life here at home. But they never ask anything and although they are nice people, I feel exhausted and defeated after we get together. Is it time to limit my friendship with them?
People who talk endlessly without even asking about your own thoughts or experiences are red flagged. Sometimes i’m guilty of talking a lot about something I’m excited about, but at some point I ask people what they’ve been doing at least. I do the thing of sharing common experiences like “oh something like that happened to me too!” but it’s meant to show empathy, not provide an opportunity to change the subject to myself. I think this is something people learn with self awareness.
I had a girlfriend who when I had known casually for years before we got together. We met up at a Dunkin Donuts one time and she literally talked about herself for 2:45 and I barely got a single word in. I was “wtf is with her, like Adderal overload?” and she asked if I wanted to hang out afterwards and i was uh… I have to finish what I’m doing and move this stuff out of state, sorry… I ended up moving in with her 6 years later and it turned out no, she wasn’t on amphetamines, she is just a really self-unaware narcissist. My advice is that if you hang out with someone and it’s exhausting and you leave feeling worse, don’t hang out with them.