talizorah

Try and see if my international employer has any semi-permanent positions overseas.

But more likely than not, return to introvert and hope my family doesn’t continue to devolve…

She has a shotgun. I should be okay.

Road construction has long been an afterthought in the state, along with all infrastructure. They’re quick to put plants and industry in place, then have heavy trucks destroy what bit of road was left… Then take half a decade to decide that maybe they should have built the road first, but now have nowhere else to put it.

Before COVID, Coca-Cola all the way. Not too sweet, and was often more consistent in cans and bottles.

Something happened after COVID, and it no longer tastes the same. I don’t know if this was the effects of the illness, or a change in manufacturing.

… Right now, it’s Dr. Pepper (or Cheerwine, if I can find it). Sharp bite, good flavor, doesn’t really have an analog with other drinks. However, I can buy one bottle and it be perfect, and buy another bottle the next day and it be less carbonated than it needs to be, or too sweet and syrupy… And I can’t ever tell why.

I own an IBM Selectic II, dual pitch, with the extra wide platen. I bought it, spent a long time diagnosing it and cleaning it before it ran properly.

I use it for one specific thing: letter writing. I’m an Aspie and can’t always convey my emotions and thoughts properly, but I sure as hell can write. But not actually write with a pen, my handwriting is horrible.

When I want to say something heartfelt to someone else, I break out nice stationary, high quality paper, and one of my good typing elements, and I type it. I do have corrective tape, but my typing accuracy is pretty low, so I have to slow down. That extra effort is noticable: the type is sharper and blacker than any inkjet or laser printer, the paper is heavyweight and feels good in the hand… It almost commands respect from the reader, to pay attention to something like that.

I used it most recently to write my mother, to thank her for some things she helped me with, but didn’t turn out. I knew she felt her effort was wasted or misplaced, buty words of reassurance didn’t reach her. So I wrote a letter and sent it her way. Even though we’re still in the same town, I mailed it. That made a difference to her, and I know she held onto it… Better than any email, or throwaway text message, and imo better than any printed document composed neatly with a word processor.

I think it’s something special.

I’m not getting laid anyways, and already have to wear a hat all the time. Give me my hair back.

I was raised a specific way with Christianity at the core of it. My mom was Catholic but didn’t really practice, my dad’s side had a history of church leadership, but it skipped a generation. Both of them went to a revival right before having kids. By the time I was born and aware, they were very dedicated members of a local Baptist church.

I wasn’t allowed to read comics, watch most TV, listen to most music. I couldn’t watch most movies, we didn’t have cable, we didn’t have internet, so I was stuck thinking this is just the way it was.

Even inside the church, I wasn’t allowed to play with certain kids, talk to certain adults. I wasn’t allowed to talk with girls… A lot of stuff I wasn’t allowed or supposed to do.

I was ADHD and an Aspie, but my family didn’t really like that kind of medicine so I never took anything. High expectations to meet, and constant disappointment in my failure to meet them.

Nonetheless, I believed the Bible, in God, in Jesus. I listened to the teachings and stories. I learned what I was supposed to be as a Christian: good, kind, caring, putting others first, denying yourself, etc. and I thought that was great. It made me very understanding of others, listening to them and meeting them where they were. It made me generous and kind, offering help with no hope for reward or return. I didn’t mind that I never got my way, was always wanting more… That didn’t matter, my reward would come later, just like the Bible said.

~

Enter Obama. While I was excited about the advent of a new president but wasn’t yet old enough to vote, politics started to creep into religion. People blamed him and Democrats for everything, while reverting to scriptures and other doctrines to say why. After a soul searching moment related to the legalization of gay marriage, I realized that what the government did wasn’t at all pertinent or related to the church.

The pastor I had at the time navigated this issue with finesse and grace. He called on our church members to follow the basics: the Bible applies to Christians, not non believers. And believers or not, we should treat everyone with kindness and love. Needless to say, he got subtly pressured to leave over the next year or so. I appreciate him a lot for speaking up and asking for love in a time of growing hatred. Last I heard he became a sports coach for a high school, living the example of showing love by doing, not saying.

~

After that, with Trump on the horizon… My church devolved into the cesspool of trying to reunite religious law with common law. They wanted to outlaw gays because “the Bible says so”. They wanted to stop abortion because “the Bible says so”. They wanted to get rid of all the immigrants… Because the Bible said so? No, beyond those two points the Bible and Jesus were left behind, and instead the hatred started to pour out of these people. There was no love, it was only hatred and spite and fear. Trusting in God meant voting Republican. Doing his will was reduced to wearing red hats and saying “Lets Go Brandon”. Spending money on improving the nation and it’s inhabitants was socialism, the very enemy of the American people…

And it was at that point I realized that the religion I was taught as a kid, of love and kindness to all mankind at your own expense… Was gone. You didn’t need religion to be a good person and to help others. Religion was being used like a crowbar in the gears of our democracy. And it seemed to be used similarly everywhere else, too.

I had better access to the internet, interacted with more people, and found that my suffering as a kid came from a denial of science by my parents, and holding me to restrictions in the name of faith that did nothing but damage my growth.

~

I like Jesus, the concepts, the teachings, the story. And wouldn’t it be wonderful if everyone who claimed to live in his name acted to his example? But nobody really does. I’ve been spending more time attempting to deprogram myself from religion and faith recently, because I’m pretty sure a day will come where that classic scenario would happen: someone will hold a gun to my head and ask if I believe. But it’s not going to be some godless terrorist bent on eradicating the “good news”. It’ll be some proud American patriot with Fox News pouring from his headphones, following his Republican Party’s call to action, killing those who don’t believe in what he does because he’s been told that’s the only way he’s getting heaven on earth.

And despite whatever I may think, that day I’ll gladly say I no longer believe.

I’ve been using discord since mid 2018, and got Nitro shortly after. Loved longer messages, bigger file uploads, and HD screensharing, especially after Mixer went down (FTL streaming was the only service that let me share my gameplay to friends fast enough for them to react).

That moved to Discord Classic, I kept those things that I use daily, and its worth it to me. It took a lot of convincing to get my friends to migrate from my self hosted Mumble server to Discord for voice chat… Before Steam revamped it’s friends interface, there weren’t a lot of good options. What were you gonna use, Skype? Teamspeak?! Discord isn’t nearly as valuable today, in 2023, but at the time it was worth it. Till it starts to come apart at the seams, not sure why to switch.

I’m on that brink between the two. My experience is that people are less likely to deal with inconveniences, especially during the ramp up period. There is a sense of immediacy that has been growing in recent years on all sides of work. Some people will feel as though demand on them increases disproportionately to the time and training provided them.

My parents always advised me to “Wait it out” if I didn’t feel comfortable or prepared to do the tasks a job required of me. However, while most places are slow to fire someone for not being up to task, there will be a good amount of pressure and expectations to succeed. Every job I’ve had, I could do the work, but didn’t know their proprietary systems or unique business processes in use. So while I interviewed well, I struggled to demonstrate my skills because of a ticketing system or set of forms required. Nobody was too friendly to someone who said they were good, but can’t hit the ground running.

Keep in mind, as others have said, that most younger people are only just now entering the workforce. They don’t know how to work, they don’t know what’s normal, they don’t know what to do or what to expect. They’re seeking a place where they can get guidance on how to be productive. Not in terms of micromanagement, but in terms of adequate instruction, offering of support if needed, and empowering them and providing them resources needed to succeed. If they aren’t comfortable, don’t feel the right vibe from the workplace culture, can’t figure something out… the patience for such things is very very thin. Not to say you should walk on eggshells, but as also said: they don’t have loyalty yet. Most young people see it as a necessary evil to work, and most companies something to tolerate, not embrace. They will bounce at a moments notice because they aren’t married to the concept of being a “company person”.

It’s a difference in how their work ethic is applied. They need that immediate return for their input. There is no safety in working towards something several years in the future if the future doesn’t exist, or won’t be kind to them. So they seek more benefits that are applicable to their daily/weekly life. I know you mentioned Europe, so they don’t face the American problem of being fired at will or layed off with no notice. But it is something to consider that there is seemingly no perceived value to staying at one place until you retire like was had in the past.

~ Just some thoughts.

I definitely identify with the second kid. Being tossed around so much because they tried to figure me out and failed definitely doesn’t help. “You’re good! But not good enough.”

I still suffer from this. Promising early start, intense self-confidence issues and depression by the end.