ngl I kinda wanna eat your insides

Only if they tell this to their auditor tbh

How the fuck was Uber supposed to help traffic? That’s the most American take on solving traffic issues I’ve read in a while.

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Either you innovate or you pay that company $32M every summer forever

Ah, the Asperger’s Zone

That said, if you inherited xmas/winter decorations that has fake snow on it, I’d recommend you get rid of that in a safe way.

Needs some garlic butter on the bread ffs

Me: I want to play games until I get fat

Konami: yo, there you go

Me: damn, that was a bad idea, I need to go work out in a gym

Konami: I’m way ahead of you

Pretty sure a nail wouldn’t stick well to a street.

Use a dowel and a screw.

Scooping ice cream, eh? Gonna have sore muscles all over my body for a week

You’re paranoid, mate

Yea, I’m not a pedophile just because I look like that. I mean, I am a pedophile, but NOT because I look like that!

(For legal reasons, this is a joke.)