A wild backhoe appears!

Tickling Strangers’ Anuses.

Suits heard about this secret sauce called AI that can cut down on the need for those pesky humans that are always looking for handouts and luxuries like a living wage and benefits. The consumer will have to accept it when the only choices they’re offered are varying flavors of the same shit.

What is Google?

I appreciate your input on his output, Dr. Butts.

They might roll him out on a wheelchair and wipe away the fluids dribbling out of his ends but “run” is not a word I would use.

“Nobody wants to parkour their way through our application obstacle course for (a chance at) a probationary position with shit pay and no benefits that we can yank away at any time because we don’t like the color of tie they wore during our mandatory unpaid off-hours team building event.”

Sort of like how after you walk off a cliff, you don’t start falling until you look down.

Ain’t no rule says a dog can’t go bowling.

I hope he’s able to make the trip and the experience inspires him to follow in his idol’s goose-steps. Just that last bit though, make it a speedrun.

At least he performed one single heroic act in those final moments: he killed Adolf Hitler.

India and places like that could have benefitted from a one child policy.

Those “benefits” come at the cost of a whole lot of dead baby girls though. Does that sound like a good trade to you?

So just call up and ask for roadside assistance plans but get it animal style. Makes sense.

I’m more interested in the backstory of Bigfoot learning to change tires. Is this a regular occurrence? If so, do they usually wait for people to look away and zip through like a NASCAR pit crew or is there some communication involved? “Hey man, don’t freak out but I’m a Bigfoot. Looks like car trouble, can I help?” or something along those lines. The former would explain the usual blurry appearance in photos but I like the idea that buddy Bigfoot is roaming the woods doing some casual roadside assistance and asking motorists to please be discreet once they’re back on their way.

Either way, I’d probably keep quiet. Can’t outrun or out-fight them in the first case if they didn’t appreciate my disclosure. If it was the latter option, it’d be a real dick move to spill the beans after accepting a favor like that.

A fellow Ultron user in the wild, #1 hacker and cyber-thief browser on the web. How’s your Adobe Reader?

Great, thank you for your research but do you have any audiophile jazz salt?

Seems like the kind of thing a person does when they understand technology well enough to use it badly but don’t recognize that it’s ineffective against anyone willing to type “enable right click” into their search engine of choice.

How much do you want to bet that they didn’t write the JavaScript for that message and it’s just been copied and edited? Probably even right-clicked to do it, the scalawag.

Sounds like A Nice Morning Drive. As noted in the archived page above, that story inspired the song Red Barchetta by the band Rush.

Hope your finger has healed up well from that unfortunate stabbing incident, just did something similar with my middle finger and a utility knife. Tried snapping off the top segment so I could use the next blade but it slipped and, not being in the kitchen, I wasn’t thinking about its knife-like attributes so the grab impulse made a mess of things. To make it even dumber, I’d been gripping the used blade with some pliers with the idea that it’d be safer but if I’d done it the usual way (which I think of as somewhat dangerous), I probably would have been paying more attention and might not have dropped it in the first place.

Good news is that the next blade is definitely sharp, bad news is that now it has a taste for flesh. Oh well, at least my tetanus is up to date and it’s not a poop knife like in that one story from the old place.

reign in

This is beside the point but it’s “rein in” (as in using reins, the straps attached to a mouthpiece and head harness intended to guide a horse).