When I took acid as a teenager in the 90s, I was tripping balls and realized that entertainment or anything that occupies that mind that we enjoy, in essence makes time seemingly go by faster. Therefor, the more you entertain your brain, the quicker you approach your demise. It really groundbreaking for me at the time. I swore I might just stare at a clock for the rest of my days just to make time seemingly like it passes slower to savor my mortality lol
Sorry for your troubles. It seems like having an intimate relationship with a partner should probably be lower on your list. Hope you’re able to work towards a positive direction with your life in general…