Do you think the Christmas gods would relent this year if we just offered up a small fortune to Mariah?

I had to check if this was an Onion article…

I have only ever bought phones with a 3.5mm jack. I have expensive Sony headphones I use for music and would hate having that option taken away from me. That’s why Fairphone is still a miss for me right now.

All of my Bluetooth experiences from headphones to Alexa devices have been more of a nuisance than a convenience, often not pairing, randomly unpairing or forgetting connectivity, finding it difficult to unpair to pair another device, not finding devices literally centimetres away, draining phone battery faster, short bluetooth device lifespan, recharging requirements, sound quality, and price points all going against them. I have seen people unironically suggest adding a wire to the Bluetooth headphones so you could charge them from your phone while listening to music. Bluetooth isn’t good enough to supercede wires.

Usb C converter is not the same as plain wired connectivity, its more fragile than 3.5mm, it cannot be rotated or twisted, it is bulkier, prevents charging at the same time, and adds yet another small expensive wire to forget, lose, or break. It solves a problem no-one asked for. Anyone who doesn’t want a smashed screen has a chunky case so phone thinness doesn’t matter.

I just want all of my tech to work with each other universally. We used to have the choice of both and I think returning to this standard will make everyone happy.

Still no 3.5mm jack, still no dice for me.