Finally, a product for the Everyman. Thank you.

A man can dream, though. A man can dream.

We all have our own lifehacks.

Nope, this is my genuine, unfiltered, dogshit opinion. I genuinely believe execution is the correct option when someone has a slight difference in preference compared to me.

I think people who prefer things other than what I prefer should be round up and shot.

Zuck my cock, Meta.

I don’t own an FM radio small enough to shove up my ass, which a phone with FM would solve. I’m sure phone designers will realize their untapped market soon enough.

I dunno about you, but THIS Queerie is trying their best to de-Google.

I’m a grown man; I eat the crust.

Phones should have FM radio not as an emergency feature, but as a method of banging out the tunes. I wanna jam out at a campsite with no downloaded music and no cell service.

I remember hearing that either the Navy or Marines had rampant gay sex. If I can get that through torrenting, I’m in.

Nonono, you don’t understand, dude. See, there’s these hats, right? But sometimes, the hat has this super rare effect, see? And, if I spend $2.50 per crate key, I can sell that unusual hat for more than I spent on the key, making profit. OR — hear me out — or: I could spend the unusual i unbox on MORE crates and keys, and get more unusuals.

That’s not digital gambling, right? Right.

Yeah I wouldn’t mind beheading a congressperson that passes networking laws which hinder piracy

I mean, I would do the same in regards to a lot of laws. We really gotta pull a France, people.