I’m not entirely clear if this is a rhetorical question and you wanted to vent for a bit, or if you’re genuinely looking for an answer?

If it’s to vent, then I kinda understand. It sucks to see someone you love suffer. It sucks again when you think you found an answer and they tell you no. Each time you try again and get your answer rejected, the feeling gets worse and worse until you start blaming them for their own suffering. I’ve been on both sides of that.

They tell you to stay strong. That love and patience will change their minds eventually. On a level, it makes sense. If a problem has been persisting for decades, it’s kinda unfair to think you can solve it overnight. It’s likely the solution is also going to take years. But then you spend the time trying only to find more layers to the problem.

If you’re looking for some kind of answer, then the best I can offer is it’s Trauma. We all go through our own traumatic experiences. Events so bad it takes away a piece of us and leaves us scarred. Those scars change how we each approach or avoid situations. Not many people want to relive their traumatic experiences, even if it would lead to better lives.
Sorry if it’s not the answer you’re looking for.